Random Memories: My Turn?!

[Feweo]

It was that time of year again. And I was picked. I'm not sure how I felt about this in pinpoint certainty, but I do know how I felt overall.

Panicked. Pure and simple panicked.

Let me explain:

Every year, the Church of Sikkar opened its doors in a half recruitment drive, half 'get to know us' endeavor. This day was dubbed 'Meet the Clergy' Day. I managed to successfully dodge going to this event since the first time I went when I was an apprentice. I said as much and even waxed eloquently over the deeds I've done since then.

"I'm not a model Templar! I've sinned like no tomorrow and I've even committed travesties against the faith itself that I cannot remember! How can you even THINK of sending me to stand in front of a bunch of kids? Don't you remember what happened last time? I put a standard through the roof for crying out loud!"

Indeed, I remembered that day well. I will be frank and say that I pleaded, wheedled, and even tried to intimidate Father Bjorn into not sending me. Alas...

"Things have changed since those days, Feweo. Sure, that poor atomy lass never recovered from the incident, but everyone who was there have long grown. In fact, the program, too, has grown quite a bit in your absence from the system. They do it differently now." He said. Father Bjorn mastered the art of smiling and talking to a person as if they're an adult child. His voice was kind, respectful, polite, yet it managed to make you feel smaller than you really were. Given I grew up with him bellowing and admonishing, this was Not a pleasant change. It made it very difficult to read the man beyond his demeanor of 'You will do as I say and LOVE it, Templar.' He even inflected it into his words without saying it so boldly.

"Report to the Abarack Elementary Academy tomorrow morning. Your charge will be waiting." He said with that finality I just mentioned.

"My what?" I asked but I was ushered out by a young acolyte.

The next day came and I dragged myself forth in all the regalia of a Templar that I possessed. My tunic shone white in the bright dawn of the morn. My packs and belt were strapped smartly in place. My bardiche even had a streamer fluttering in the winds that bore the simple cross of Sikkar on white fabric. All these I wore over polished armor that could have rivaled the sun's own shine.

The school stood as I remembered it. The double doors appeared weathered, but somehow wise for their wear. I shoved my way through, trying to be careful with the bardiche, but still almostly skewered another Templar leaving the building.

"Pardon me, Sister." I begged in forgiveness. I held the point of my weapon away as I bowed stiffly in apology. She frowned in disapproval at me and I noticed that she wore only the tunic and the simple robes of a Sikkarian priest. She definitely lacked a weapon of any sort.

"Brother, what are you doing wearing all that? I know they're children, but honestly - you don't need arms and armor."

Crud. Strike one. She moved past me with a soft tsk of her tongue. A child previously hidden behind her followed in her wake. He eyed me curiously and I smiled faintly in embarrassment at him. I felt my face grow warm as I entered the building proper. The foyer was filled with people. White tunics of the Templar and the dark blue uniforms of the students formed an ocean that I really felt out of depth in.

Conversation withered away as glances in my direction turned into wide-eyed stares of disapproval from the Templar and open curiosity from the students. Luckily for me, the ceiling was still as high as I remembered from my youth. I propped my bardiche up and leaned against it, suddenly weak.

"Sikkar, I know I needed humility, but isn't this over the top?" I muttered in half prayer before moving forth. The Templar shied back, their hands held protectively before their charges, as they stared at me. I knew I had a rather bad history behind me, but did they really have to stare at me like I'm some sort of psychopath? No one told me not to bring arms or armor!

The receptionist, sitting behind the long desk that I remember so well, gawked at me too. She was old like the one I remember in my youth, and though her eyes were bugging out her mouth tugged in a fierce frown. She waited until I stood before the desk before clearing her throat apprehensively.

"Father, for shame! Bringing a weapon into a place of learning!" She chided. Her voice was very loud in the now silent foyer. Humiliated further, I mustered up my courage and realized I had not set down the end of the bardiche. The metal capped butt of the shaft slammed deafeningly in the silence. The receptionist jumped backwards in her chair. Her hand flew up to her heart and I hoped she as not going a heart attack right then and there.

"Where is my charge?" I asked. I tried to pitch my voice politely, but it jumped on me and it came out hoarse and rather gruff. Gaaah. Strike two. I heard the nervous shifting of bodies behind me as she quickly fetched up a clipboard and fumbled with the pages.

"N-name?" She stammered. The silence seemed to deepen in that instance for my voice boomed louder than I would have liked.

"Feweo d'Eglise." I stated. My voice carry down the halls in swift, small echoes. I heard wood screech across ceramic flooring and soft questioning murmurs from the rooms down ways. I glanced down the two wings and saw heads peering out doors. More students, Templar, and now teachers stared openly at me. The receptionist flipped swiftly through the pages and stopped on the fifth. She mustered up her pluck visibly and gazed up at me evenly. It was a good facade of being in control except I saw her pulse pounding swiftly from a vein in her neck.

"Down there at the end." She gestured to her left, my right. I stood rooted there and peered at her in horror. All the way down the hall. At the end. In front of everyone. GAH! I must have scared her further with my gaze for her bravado quickly faded as her eyes bugged out again. She shrank into her chair as a throat cleared itself behind me.

"Brother..." A someone ventured behind me. I turned quickly. A little too quickly for all my nerves were up and running. The Templar behind me jumped back, sweeping their wards with them, as I swung around. The tip of my bardiche pointed straight at the foremost of them. The human Templar swallowed thickly and nudged the sharp edge away from his face.

"Perhaps you should... collect your charge... and proceed quickly out into the field?" He suggested haltingly in a quiet tone that carried far too well. At this point, my mind was in a fog. I was botching things left and right. I nodded slowly, numbed by the humiliation that poured on me like a spring tsunami. Whispers erupted behind me as my bardiche tapped far too loudly against the tiled floor as I made my way into the hall.

"Who is he?"

TAP.

"Ferwo I think? Maybe Fillieo."

TAP.

"Geez he's scary."

TAP.

"One of the old timers. Very fundamental. All hell and brimstone."

TAP.

"You can tell by his eyes. Ice in his veins, that one."

TAP.

"As cold as the icebergs of his homeworld."

TAP.

"See that armor he's wearing? All he needs is some spikes!"

TAP.

"Look at that bardiche. You can see blood along the head."

TAP.

"A stone cold killer I heard..."

TAP.

"Glad he's on our side!"

Nervous laughter tittered behind me from the foyer though the voices were thankfully too distant to hear. My guts were knots now. It was one thing to know what I've done, but to hear it from my fellow priests. That, that was hard on the soul. I always thought myself a polite person and I'll be the first to admit that I was not very social. But did that equate to 'Cold hearted killer' though?

Fortunately, the hall ran out before I could dwell on that line of thinking further. There was only one door and it was to my right. I looked up (when did I lower my eyes to the floor?) to see a gaggle of students gasp and duck back into the classroom. I frowned further (when did I start frowning?) as I ducked the head of my polearm under the door frame and scooted in.

The oh so very familiar sight of students clustered at the far end of the classroom greeted me as I paused a half dozen steps in. The teacher stood behind her desk, her knuckles white around the yard stick she 'rested' against the top of her desk. My eyes flickered from the students to the teacher before I set the butt of the bardiche down. Even to me, it had a 'thud' of finality akin to a judge's slammed gavel. We stood there for a time eyeing each other. I felt my innards dancing around.

Why would that be so? Honestly! I've talked before classrooms before, I've given sermons, and I've confronted evil at its worst. Why was going through a school and ushering a child around so much more taxing?

"Because those classrooms were full of young acolytes who knew what you were talking about, your sermons were to adults you could barely see, and evil did not care what you wore or wielded." An inner voice said. I grimaced and then frowned. That voice really did not sound anything like my normal inner monologues at all.

"Down here." The voice said. I looked down to its owner. It was young girl. A human girl. A very short, young, human girl.

"I'm small for my age." She stated flatly. Her voice was as neutral as her muted brown hair. It wasn't polite or offensive. It was very matter of fact and hinted at a seriousness mirrored in her clear blue eyes. She stood with her hands behind her back. Her dark blue skirts and school jacket immaculate and still pressed despite movement that really should have rumpled them by now. She was rather unnerving all in all. Especially with that severe black headband.

"She is my charge?" I asked. I raised a questioning eyebrow at the teacher. The teacher just nodded her head emphatically. I focused on the child again and I finally shrugged. Whatever. One kid was as good as the next, right?

"Not necessarily." The girl said. I frowned harder at her but turned away.

"Come along." I ordered and exitted the room. A collective sigh of relief heralded our departure down the hallway and out the doors. It felt like a blessing from Sikkar as the double glass doors silenced their twittering.

"Right." I said as the girl that moved up to my side.

What was I supposed to do with her? Well, when one was lost in a sea of oddness, it was always good to set fin in waters that one knew well!

"Do you know anything about Sikkarism?" I asked her. The girl glanced about her completely ignoring me. I sighed softly as I also scanned the area for further inspiration.

"No." She said matter of factly pulling me from my reverie.

"Would you like to know more about Sikkarism?" I asked out of habit.

"No." She stated again.

"Thought so." I grumbled more to myself than her.

"You don't like me, do you?" She asked boldly. She focused her whole attention on me and I could not help but meet her eyes. They weren't exactly enchanting, but there was something mesmerizing about their clearness. Their blueness. Like foaming ocean waves crashing forth again and again and-

"Not true." I said, tearing my eyes from hers. She blinked and glared at me in disapproval. I felt the need to elaborate. The young often harbored false notions after all.

"Do not." She stated.

"I already said it wasn't that." I muttered crossly and made my way down the steps. She followed, her shoes clattering on the cobblestone steps almost in time with the tapping of my weapon.

"I just do not know what to do today. Last time I was here..." I trailed off.

"You were embarrassed gravely by someone who should have known better." She said. I sighed and came to a halt.

"Look, it's obvious you are someone who can peer into someone else's mind. Will you stop prying into mine? I'd like to think something in my life was private." I said.

She peered into my eyes again, her face solemn and carefully schooled to be inscrutable. I glared right back, every thought geared towards 'Get out of my cursed skull.'

"Fine." She said and averted her eyes. She did not lose her stoic expression, but a certain submissiveness shown through in her stance. "What are we doing today then?"

"Right. Right." I said. More to myself then her. I glanced around again and rubbed my cheek. An idea dawned on me as slowly as the sunrise. It took a moment, but memories rose of my own apprenticeship on a day like today oh so many years ago.

"You," I declared grandly, "Are my apprentice."

"I'm what?" The girl said. Her surprise barely showed on her voice. Clearly this wasn't what she expected, but she managed to remain unruffled.

"An apprentice. You know, someone who follows along, watches and learns. That sort of thing." I explained a little impatient with her. She seemed like a bright girl. Indeed, most who can bend thoughts with their minds were very smart. Usually.

"But I'm supposed to just stand here, gawk at you, pretend to listen, and fake being suitably impressed." She stated. "They said nothing about needing to work."

I felt myself touched with a sense of deju vu. Before I would be subjected to pleading, wheedling, and intimidation myself, I waved off her protests saying, "Feh, work never hurt anyone... Well, most times. Regardless! I didn't get dressed up for nothing." I proceeded down the few remaining steps as if that was the end of that. She skipped down them faster and stopped in front of me with her hands extended as if she were an empress ordering me to halt.

"But I don't WANT to be an apprentice." She said imperiously. My eyebrow rose a second time that day as I brushed past her.

"We oft times become something in this life we never wanted to be." I lectured. "The key to it all is to take what you can from the experience. Learn from it. Apply what you still grasp to future endeavors. Also praying you make it out okay helps too."

"Words of wisdom from Sikkar?" She ask. Her voice betrayed a droplet of sarcasm.

"No. Words from a too proud Templar who messed up so much in his life that he wears the crown of fools and the badge of painful wisdom. Come on, we don't have all day." I said.

"Well, actually, you have all week." Someone, one of my fellow Templars it turns out, said while passing us by with his own charge.

"What?!" The girl and I cried together.

"Yes. Didn't you hear? They extended it just now. Learning experiences and such. Supposed to do them a world." He said amiably. He drew me the cross of Sikkar in the air. I stood gaping at him as he disappeared down the street. The girl wore an expression ice cold outrage as she glared after him as well. Her eyes turned up and met mine. Strike three. Today was now officially a horrible, terrible day.

"A week?" She asked slowly.

"A week." I said in the same numbness.

"Feweo d'Eglise." I said in sudden introduction. It was a pitiful attempt to break the silence. She stared at my hand and then up at me. She began to tremble in mounting rage if her reddening cheeks said anything about it. She sniffed haughtily, her stoic face becoming the picture of rich arrogance.

"Pride cometh before the fall." I cautioned, waving my still extended hand.

"Another wise word from an experienced fool?" She asked frostily.

"No. Just something from Sikkar this time." I said. She hmpfed and managed to appear looking down at me even though I towered over her by at least three feet. I dropped my unshaken hand to my side and watched her expectantly. She looked everywhere but me for a while. Eventually a sigh of defeat escaped her thin pressed lips.

"Aedrith." She said and went into another sullen silence.

"So Aedrith... You aren't afraid of the outdoors, are you?" I asked her as casually as I could in the friendliest tone I could manage. I turned heading for the main northern gates.

"No." She retorted after the gates came into view. Her voice full of distant, matter of fact seriousness again. "Why?"

"No reason." I replied nonchalantly. Inside, my guts felt like they were being nibbled by a bunch of tiny coral fish. A week. With a kid.

What was I supposed to do in a week with a kid?!

"Not get me killed?" The girl suggested behind me.

As we passed beneath the massive arching gate, the guards nodding absently to me, only one thought bounced around my head:

GetoutgetoutgetoutGETOUT!

[Feweo]

"Sort of." I replied, half paying attention to my erstwhile apprentice as I tried to work. It is now dusk and we are a half day's march away from Abarack. We did not get as far as I would have liked but at least Aedrith could not run back to Abarack in a couple hours.

"Only 'sort of'?" Aedrith replied skeptically. I did not need to look at her to know that an eyebrow was arch imperiously. She totally ripped that move off from me.

"It's not as simple as it se-" I began but she cut me off.

"Of course it is. You just put it like so - Are you watching?- put it like so, then do this, and follow it up like that. Simple." She instructed. I particularly enjoyed the motions she made to aid in her explanation.

"Great." I smiled thinly. "Next time I need to muck around with the air, I'll keep your advice in mind."

Impatience and frustration was rearing its ugly head again. It first came around just outside the school, but constant badgering and repeated attempts to read my mind, like she had just done, was fraying my last nerve.

"You're doing it wrong." Aedrith said in her serious 'I'm right' tone. I leveled a scowl in her direction but she remained calm with a glint of triumph in her otherwise solemn eyes. I offered her my tools.

"You build it then." I snapped peevishly.

With an air of someone who is about to make you eat your words, she took the flint and then the steel. I smirked as her hands dropped swiftly before she regained control of them. Obviously the stone and metal were heavier than she anticipated.

Squatting down by the pile of leaves and shaved twigs that served as kindling, she struck a pose that looked remarkably like my own (never mind her having legs and could reach lower to the ground). She lifted the striker and struck grandly in motions similar to my own. The similarities ended there though for the stone and steel flew away while she sucked on crushed fingers.

"What? No fire?" I asked in mock innocent surprise. I hate to admit it, but I was relishing this little arrogant prissy getting a little come upping. "That's what you get for prying." I needled further.

Aedrith favored me with her most potent glare. If she were older along with more matronly it might have looked something other than a childish pout. Undaunted, she stood proudly and retrieved the flung tools. She squatted on the opposite side of the kindling and tried again. And again. A dozen attempts later, she tossed down both pieces and tucked her injured fingers under her armpits.

"I hope you noted the difference." I said as I leaned over and took both from the dirt.

"That you clearly don't know how to start a fire?" She snapped. Though her voice was calm, her demeanor took on a little harshness of someone who found the person sitting across from them very disagreeable.

"The difference between what you know and what you Know."I said. I emphasized the second 'know' trying to get my point across. We had this battle back and forth day over various things. She refused to stay out of my head, plucked the information about something from me, and then tried to start a fight over who knew the most about what. It was very aggravating.

"It is one thing-" I started but she hissed between her teeth and took over.

"'-to know from a book, but its another thing to know by experience.' I know!" She said. I was surprised. She actually elevated her voice a bit.

I must have waded over a sore spot for her since she paraphrased what I was going to say. My example involved farmers and harvesting though and it really was a pity it remained unsaid. I felt it was one of the better on-the-spur sayings I managed to think up.

"Obviously you don't." I observed instead. I smelled a wisp of smoke and found a tendril rising from the midst of the pile. It was a frail thing but only needed a gentle coaxing to bring it to life. I lowered myself further and blew exactly at the same time Aedrith did. The combined winds, one full of gentle experience and the other filled with wild expectation, destroyed the would be flame and scattered the kindling besides.

"This is stupid." Aedrith muttered sullenly as I gathered the kindling back into a pile.

"Rangers we are not." I agreed. I set back to work as she settled back on her haunches again with her hands back under her pits.

"Why are we suffering like this again and not back in the city?" She asked.

"Because I want a fire for the evening to keep me warm against the night?" I replied with a form of a question. It was childish of me, but I used her own tone against her. This seemed to tick her off more for she squinted at me in what may have been considered 'dangerously.'

"But you're supposed to take me back every night. I am not staying out here." She stated flatly.

I snorted softly. "No. If I'm forced to drop whatever I'm doing to come entertain someone else's kid, then I'm going to get some use out of you."

Aedrith's eyes widened a little. I had to give her credit - She hid all signs of fear and dismay well.

"Like what?" She asked.

"For one, you are going on a week long tour of duty with me. As far as I'm concerned, after they summoned me and dropped you in my hands, you ARE my apprentice for the duration of this event. I won't waste time telling you nicely about Sikkarism in a tavern. No, you are going to learn about it out here in the field where you get to see everything first hand. You get to see how we do it and Why we do it."

I felt marginally proud of myself then. That was the longest, most vehement speech I ever got to say to Aedrith without her drowning me out or interrupting. It also helps that I fleshed out a 'plan' on how to spend the week since sitting in the woods was rather dull.

Aedrith squinted at me again and then a look of horror spread across her face. I felt her 'pluck' what that plan was out of my head. A scowl lighted on my face as her mouth opened and shut.

"You mean it. You're going to make me wade into the unclean masses and help you do stuff I never should. That's wrong! That's unthinkable for a lady of my station! Lord help me!" She hissed in a whisper. I had expected wailing of protests or at least screaming. At least her already pale skin paled further.

"Amen." Is all I replied to her. She looked at me in silence. I could almost feel the rodent running on its wheel in that little devious mind of hers. As if coming to a snap decision, she stood and stood tall.

"I am Not sleeping on the ground." She declared loudly. Insects that burred in the background ceased at such a loud interruption of their nightly symphony. I felt her intruding again and half made images began to form.

"Get out." I thought harshly.

"It's full of bugs and leaves and dirt." She continued. The images began to come faster and I felt light headed as I fought to keep my vision from clouding over.

"GET OUT!" I tried again forcefully though my lips were oddly numb and my throat closed shut.

"And my parents would be very upside." She hissed venomously.

The images took over. Images of rich parents standing before my superiors protesting the state in which their ragged, worn down daughter was in. Images of her crying and me being glared unfavorably upon. Of me being demoted back to an acolyte and made to do menial tasks again.

Another image rushed on of past sins I performed coming to light. Of crowds crowing and bawling for my head over vileness of my deeds. I felt tears rimming my eyes as Father Bjorn himself stripped me of all vestments of my faith and threw me bodily from the church.

"I am no one's apprentice and you are NOT my master." Aedrith's voice drifted through all this. I felt immobile, helpless, and positively alone.

A little of me fought though. A small voice cried out in the back of my mind - "Sikkar knows! He knows and You still serve Him!" That voice gave me a hand hold and I lurched into it with everything I possessed.

"I am for the duration of this field trip." I rasped. My voice was hoarse as if I had a cold. I wrestled it away from whatever paralysis held my throat.

"No fire tonight." I said, feeling stronger and a little more in control. The overriding fear of failure receded a bit.

"Because you are a rude... thing?" Aedrith taunted icily. The image of my failure disappeared and was replaced by a shadowy form.

"Selkie." I interjected and the form took shape of a Selkie.

"Hah, I've seen Selkies. They are beautiful with voices of angels. My father drools over them as they dance in the water and sing songs so pretty that my mother ends the evening in tears!" Aedrith declared haughtily.

The selkie shape changed into my own and I saw. Every single imperfection about me drew my mind's eye like a magnet. My jagged cut hair that looked absolutely terrible along with my dull and scruffy sea green hide. The many scars that decorated my neck and arms and the intimate knowledge that larger, uglier ones lay beneath that tunic I wore. To see the overlying mask of sin I once wore as proudly as day and all the horribleness inflicted upon my soul and this world.

Oddly enough, it was the inclusion of salty ocean smells that broke this image up for me. I felt strength swell through me and the paralysis that cling to my muscles and mind disappeared like a massive wave crashing to shore. I surged up and through the kindling before the image completely disappeared from my eyes and mind.

"GET. OUT!" I bellowed. I did not know when I grabbed her up, but there she was. She dangled from my hold on her jacket. Her eyes were wide with fear and her mouth worked but nothing came forth. Her pitifully small hands grasped at my wrist. The material of the jacket groaned in strain as I clenched my fists harder.

"I am tired of asking. I am tired of telling." I nearly shouted in her face. Tears obscured my vision a moment and I blinked them fiercely away. "But I could have dealt with that! I could have suffered that and left it well alone! But you..." Attacked me I wanted to say. It was obvious now that she had tried to break my will and dominate me. I learned later that I had come perilously close to having been made into a charmed thrall, at least for a short while. At that moment though, I was royally pissed off.

"I am going to tell you - NO! I ORDER YOU as your MASTER to cease using your gifts in such an invasive hostile manner against me or so help me Sikkar, I will call Him down upon your head, subject every innermost secret and sin you possess to His scrutiny, and ask to Him to punish you for every malicious twist of thought, every foul deed of mind, every single little lie you have said, thought, or forced others to do for you. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"

Aedrith whimpered before my reddening vision. Never have I felt such rage before. I knew she was trying again to get in. Somewhere I knew this was a knee jerk reaction for her, a way of trying to defend herself. My conscious mind did not care so I let her this time. The images she tried to form were brushed away and I forced my thoughts at her.

I filled these with images of light brighter than light, of my hands and eyes glowing a righteous gold as I stared down at her in judgment. I showed Aedrith herself, wriggling futilely in my grasp. I showed her enveloped by the glow as I uttered the booming prayers that called down Sikkar's Will upon her. I showed her what would happen when He found her wanting.

It took me a moment to realize that the screaming in my images was really Aedrith herself. I let go of the images and found another shock. My hands were glowing and the area was considerably brighter than it should have been for that time of night. Aedrith herself shook her head, sobbing aloud with her white knuckled fists clenched against her temples.

"No more!" She begged repeatedly. My heart twisted then but I stood fast, reinforcing my resolve with the basic fact that Sikkar had His hand in now.

The glow surrounding the area and my hands faded in time with Aedrith's voice. It disappeared as her voice was lost and only whimpers came forth. I gently lowered her to the ground. She nearly dropped as her legs folded beneath her. I caught her thankfully and lowered her onto her bottom. Tears fell freely from her tightly shut eyes.

Again remorse and pity stabbed at me and again I fought back. Sikkar had made a judgment and I had to stand by it as the one who called it down upon her. I only hoped it was for the better. Sometimes people did not like having their past actions and pains paraded before their unwilling eyes and they found a seed of hatred to cling to. It was irrational at most but no one ever said we mortal creatures were always rational things.

The whimpering subsided and Aedrith simply sat there with her eyes closed, tears running, and oblivious to the world. I've seen this before on older men, worldly men who felt themselves faultless for their actions. I've seen this too on creatures of the darkness who only became enraged in joy at seeing their cruel deeds come once more to the fore. But to see it on a child...

"Do you understand?" I found myself asking. I was appalled at my own voice disturbing the hush of the area.

Aedrith opened her eyes and met my own. At first, those bloodshot blue orbs were accusing. It was I who brought the pain on her. She winced again as if reminded of something and when she opened them again, I saw... To be honest, I do not know what I saw. It would take another mind reader to know what Aedrith was thinking and seeing at this moment. All I could do was sit there and wait.

"Yes." She whispered aloud after a moment of blank staring. "What did you do to me?"

"I cannot say I am sorry for this nor can I tell you that it was all me. Sikkar took a hand in this too it would appear." I said as softly as I could. It was as close as I could get to an apology that wasn't one. What did I have to be sorry for? I did not make her do whatever it was she had to relive.

Aedrith looked at me in fear and doubt. I sighed quietly and placed a hand on her shoulder. She flinched away but did not remove it.

"I did nothing to you." I said as softly as before. "Other than picking you and shouting at you that is. Sikkar on the other hand gave you a divine butt paddling it seems."

I smiled faintly at my joke but it went over Aedrith's head. "It was so bright and my head hurts so bad and... gods..." She whimpered. I think if I hadn't had my hand there, she'd of fallen to her side and curled up.

"It was horrible." She continued, oblivious to me once more, "All those things I saw me do. I did not..."

I listened a moment as she fumbled inaudibly. "Realize?" I suggested. She looked at me as if she saw me for the first time and then nodded grimly in agreement. Right then I saw a chance. I could drive home this point and possibly scare her straight into a life of good and virtue. I could make her see that using her birthright of mind magic was a responsibility she had to take seriously for the rest of her life. I could, right then, tell her a great many things and be a priest of Light and Good.

Instead I said, "I think many an apology is owed. When you get home."

How lame.

Again she just nodded. I smothered another sigh and looked around. The world was getting darker but I knew a little further on was a tiny hamlet - A village of no more than twelve families and a small church we could take refuge in. In all honestly, I did not exactly like sleeping in the dirt either.

"Come on." I said, trying to sound friendly and encouraging. I helped her up as I stood. This time she did cringe away from my touch once she was on her feet. I didn't blame her at all. Instead, I gathered my equipment and buckled everything in place that needed buckling. Bardiche in hand, I glanced around to make sure I didn't miss anything. It was hard to see if I did in the dark. I wanted to whap my own forehead at my own forgetfulness.

"What's that?" Aedrith asked softly as I fished out a lens from my pouch. I leaned my bardiche against my shoulder so I could pull my right eyelids wide and slip it onto my eye itself. I blinked several times until I no longer noticed discomfort before turning to Aedrith. She appeared a pale yellow just like everything else I saw through the monocle even though the area was as bright as day to me.

"What is what?" I asked. I was surprised she was even speaking to me so soon after her ordeal.

"That thing you just put into your eye." She said quietly.

"Oh. That is a monocle." I said as I set forth towards the village. She was silent for a time as she trailed behind me. I was growing concerned and was about to turn around to see if she was still there when she spoke.

"That is not a monocle. You put it in your eye. I've seen monocles. They are in single frames like glasses and connected to silver or gold chains and make you look stupid." She explained. Her tone was all business again. Matter of facts and seriousness. I did detect a trace of her shakiness, but I was glad all the same. It looked like it was take more than the touch of a god to break Aedrith's spirit.

"I don't know what to tell you. That's what the merchant told me." I said in true helplessness.

"That's stupid." Aedrith repeated.

"Tell that to the merchant." I suggested.

"So what does it do?"

"It lets me see in the dark."

"What, are you blind or something and can't see that its night time?"

"What?! No! I mean it lets me see through the dark as if it were day."

"Oh. Magic?"

"Yes."

"Can I use it?"

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Because you did not go through the trouble of killing a dozen Otyughs to get one."

"A dozen whats?"

"Otyughs!"

"What the heck are those?"

"Watch your mouth and they're undead creatures that look incredibly ugly."

"Oh. So. Uh. Where do you find them?"

"Ugh!"

[Feweo]

Though I serve the Lord of Light, sometimes... Sometimes I feel that dawn comes far too early. This fact never became more abundant or reinforced until I was subjected to almost two hours of predawn crowing by a time deficient bird. This feeling came to the fore when my body, weary and sore, began protesting the incredible hardness that a church pew possessed.

Now this should have been a testament to the crafter's abilities for we in the Church love pews that make a body sit ramrod straight. This posture of goodness aided in paying attention to those speaking from the pulpit and chased off the rude notions of falling asleep during a sermon. Oh how this backfired on me.

"Time to awaken, Brother Feweo!" Boomed a voice that put the crowing thingy to shame.

Morning happy brethren within the Order of Sikkar made me think evil thoughts. Those thoughts went along the lines of beating those that desired to wake a slumbering Templar before the sun dial read nine in the morning.

"Brother Feweo! The dawn is well away and it is time to rise!"

Especially loud, jovial morning happy brethren like Brother Tivol here. I uttered a loud groan and shifted a little bit in hopes that such a movement would satisfy this robed rooster to bellow someplace else. Alas...

"Come, Father Feweo. A new day is here and things must be done."

You treacherous, nasty little girl. I only called divine judgment down on you once and this is how you choose to punish me? Wait until I'm truly awake and pummel me with sticks and stones instead!

"It is almost time for service, Brother! Your apprentice here told me of the joyful news that you would be giving our morning sermon!" Brother Tivol announced joyfully.

"Nyuh?" I managed in a croak. Ah you wretched, evil little beast I thought hard at Aedrith.

"She said you told her of wishing to do so last night on your way here. She did not say what it was about but I'm sure it will be a good one! It's been a while since a visiting priest offered a sermon to our little flock here!" Brother Tivol went on. I wanted to grab my bardiche where it lay tucked beneath the pew I rested upon and smack him. Very uncharitable notions on my part, but I had slugged most of the night to get here. Aedrith had not made it easier when she began to complain and fall asleep half way.

"Nrrgh." I replied in earnest. I cracked open my eyes feeling the grit in the corners. There stood Brother Tivol in his brown robes. He looked like your average friar, only more massive given his immense stature. If there was someone who had some giant blood in him, it'd have to be Brother Tivol. And then there was Aedrith...

I stared at her blearily for a moment before realization dawned on me. Her clothes were still pressed neatly as if they had just been ironed. I know for a fact she had to have slept in them last night and Brother Tivol would not have had an iron besides. The heck?

"Come now, Father Feweo. Breakfast and Sikkar's devout await you." She said in that smooth serious tone of hers. What would I give to make her run screaming away right at this moment.

"Fine." I mumbled. Bones cracked down my spine as I twisted to my right. The floor greeted me with a soft thud. A soft tsk came from Brother Tivol and I found myself picked up like a doll and leaned against the back the pew next to my own.

"You should be more careful, Brother Feweo. Hurt yourself too much and you won't be able to give your sermon today." Brother Tivol chided in jest.

"Here, Father Feweo. Have some water." Aedrith offered. I looked over to see a bowl inches from my face. Enticing droplets of water ran down the sides.

"Thanks." I rasped tiredly. I took it and immediately dumped the contents over my head. I shoved my sopping hair out of my face to reveal a stunned pair watching me.

"Er. That was to drink, Brother Feweo. I do not have cups." Brother Tivol informed me severely. I blinked at him, probably owlishly, before looking to the now empty bowl.

"Oh." I managed dumbly. He took it from my listless hand and bade me to wait while he went and fetched me another bowl. I found myself alone with Aedrith. She stood there with her hands behind her back, looking for all the world an attentive solemn child.

"A sermon, huh?" I asked her. I let my morning grumpiness edge into my tone. She nodded and pretended to not have heard it.

"I do believe you told me that you were going to show me first hand how and why you do what you do." She said. If she had smiled then, I'd of probably been thrown off balance than I already was. She did not so I had a brief moment to think.

It was too brief for Aedrith jerked her head towards the door and announced people were coming. I frowned and thingyed my head to one side listening. Selkie have great hearing and I did not hear a thin- Oh. There they were.

Gravel crunching and soft tired chattering announced the arrival of a family. I shoved myself away from the pew and slowly dragged my pack and weapon to me. I had forgotten to take off my armor the night before, much to my chagrin. Go figure. Smoothing my tunic and hair the best I could, I glared at Aedrith in brief envy at the state of her clothes before trudging up to the pulpit.

It was a simple thing. An unadorned stand made of wood that you might find in a music classroom for holding song books held a very old Levetikon. I idly flipped through the pages and noted that the binding was coming loose after settling my pack out of sight behind the altar dedicated to my god. The altar was also a simple affair. It was just a granite block with an embedded wood cross of Sikkar on all sides. A long red velvet cloth lay across the top and draped down the short sides to touch the floor. It looked like it could use a bit of dusting.

Two more families trickled in before Brother Tivol arrived with another bowl of water. He slowed doorway that lead out to a half visible well. Coming to a decision, he strode up to me and handed me the bowl quickly biding me to drink up. I did so and felt I could have used more. Unfortunately, the bowl and Brother Tivol whisked away through another door that lead to his private chambers where Aedrith had spent the night.

I dropped my attention back to the book. I leafed through more pages thinking fast. What would I talk of? What Could I talk about that they haven't heard before? Typically I had a week in advance to prepare for visitational sermons. I was sorely out of practice in preaching on the spur. Mainly because I did not preach on the spur all that often, or at all for that matter.

"Either way... either way..." I muttered aloud. Aedrith settled herself in the front row and stared up at me in her usual coolness. I wanted to make a face at her, but my mind was occupied with other things. Why did they have to wait until minutes before it was time to awaken me? A gentle waving from the drew my attention to Brother Tivol.

"All are present." He mouthed at me. I nodded in the barest fashions as I continued leafing through the Levetikon. I searched through Sikkar's words for inspiration. A glimmer of something I could cling to and extol upon. From the peripherals of my vision,Aedrith's arrogant stare goaded my nerves. I swear there was glint of triumph in her eye. I suppose it was fairly obvious I was stalling for time.

With a loud sigh, I shut the book with a dull thump and surveyed the crowd. Eyes ranging from blue to brown that showed interest or exhaustion watched me. I nodded to them this time and inhaled deeply to steady myself. Nothing for it now.

"Greetings and may His light guide your way today." I said aloud. It was a fairly standard greeting/opening to a congregation you never preached to before.

"I am Father Feweo, Templar of His Holy Church. I come to you today to talk about Power." I said. Many eyes in the small crowd exchanged glances that said 'What the?'.

"Today I will not tell you of sin or the state of your soul. Instead, I shall talk of power and the way you gain, use, and potentially abuse it."

Aedrith rolled her eyes at this and sat back losing all apparent interest. I favored the congregation with a level stare before stepping away from the pulpit. My bardiche thudded against the ground as I lowered it. Dang it, I forgot to set it aside again! Many were staring at it now with its limp streamer and sharp head.

"Power comes in many forms and in many shapes. Obvious, we know that brute force is a power familiar and respected." I held the bardiche up and waved a little with both hands. The streamer fluttered half heartedly before it fell listless again as I set down the bardiche.

"This is power." I said, nodding to the weapon. "This would let me control you in both body and mind. For the body, I could easily shove you back to outright impale you. This weapon also attacks your mind with fear and possibilities. Would I use this on you? When? Where? How? Would you survive? All these questions can make you hesitate and I assure you that if we met in a dark alley, you would readily back off if you held no weapon at all and I had this."

An appreciative chuckle drifted through the congregation like a soft breeze. It died as I waved the bardiche again.

"This weapon gives me power over you in many ways you know and do not know. Yet you still sit there. You sit there and stare at me, more importantly my weapon, with interest. Why is that? Do you not feel fear? I could easily kill you all with this."

I waited, staring around at them. Some did appear frightened. Others appalled and taken back.

"You sit there because you trust that I will not use this power against you. Because of this vestment I wear. Because of these trappings, you feel marginally safe to sit there and listen to this mad Selkie wave his pointy stick at you."

Again with the chuckles. I stood back and leaned the bardiche against the pulpit.

"And that draws me to the second power I will you of. Because I wear these red crossed tunic, you felt safe. Because I stand in the trappings of our Lord Sikkar, behind His pulpit and in front of His altar, you presumed me a safe person. Once more, I could have abused this power. I could have use your lulled sense of safety and destroyed each and every one of you. How is not important, but the fact that I could is."

A murmur broke out as I moved behind the pulpit. I adjusted the bardiche so it was out of my way so I could see the people. Aedrith was paying attention to me again though her eyes were baleful in their frostiness. Yes, you gave me the motivation for this, you little girl. I thought at her.

"Power comes in a final form. It comes in a way that no one can honestly hold on to, only invoke. I speak of magic. Be it divine or arcane, this magic can affect us in good or bad ways. The worst part - We cannot Help but be affected by it. Even those who are clothed in hide such as myself still feel the chilling dagger of a frost spell. Even those who stand with the protection of Sikkar still feel the soul tearing horror of a cultist's hex. That power is possibly the least of your concerns."

People looked at me oddly now. I had just described the worst of the worst, something fantastical and generally not seen by them. Then I just told them that it was nothing to worry about?

"No, the power you should be aware of is the one you wield every day. The ones I showed you from the start. More importantly, the ones I cannot show you. The power I speak of is the of the mind. Remember I told you about the fear my weapon inflicted upon you? How you would hesitate? Words do the same."

"Words can slip in like daggers, crafted for the very purpose of hurting you. Then again, words can be crafted to bolster your spirits and make you feel good. Does it not feel better when a loved one smiles and tells you that you done well? Pride and warmth flows doesn't it? Now think of someone who you feel is better than you telling you that you could not succeed if your life depended on it. The sickening feeling of failure is very bitter and you still haven't tried yet!"

"That is the power of words. We Templar are trained to use such words to lift your spirits and help you rejoice in your fellowship and worship of Sikkar. That is only right for it is a glorious thing to kneel before the Lightbringer. Yet is it?"

I paused and looked up to Brother Tivol. This last part made him peer hard at me, his thick eyebrows knitted together into a single bushy line.

"Yes folks, I'm going to have you question your faith. I'm going to have you sit there and stare at me while I ask you if you honestly believe in our Lord, Sikkar. I'm going to call you to sit there and then think over every single thing you've done from last sermon to now and tell me if your actions speak of your faith. Do you believe or are you just going through the motions to placate your friends, family, and the church?"

I fell silent again and boy did Brother Tivol look mad. Aedrith herself was surprised as she glanced around at the now somber people. Guilt was written here and there while others were outraged that I would speak so in Sikkar's holy church. I smiled broadly and leaned against the pulpit.

"You think me a blasphemer. Don't you, Brother Tivol?" I asked loudly. Everyone looked back to the good Brother. His expression suddenly resembled that of a rat caught in lantern light with a wedge of cheese in his mouth.

"I declare you are dangerously close to blasphemy." He said. His voice was edged in warning. I smiled still at him and only ducked my head in agreement.

"Yes. Blasphemy. Right. Unfortunately you are wrong, Brother Tivol." I declared. The crowd came up in a roar. I raised my hands high and waited as the wave of hateful words flowed around and through me.

"Block the door, Brother Tivol!" I shouted over the din. He was close to refusal. I saw this, but he merely held his hands before those trying to leave and directed them back to their seats. They reluctantly sat and I was sure they were going to deafen their ears to me. Let them, I thought. The crowds protest lowered into a dull murmur and it finally died. I lowered my arms and rested against my elbows.

"I have learned in my many years of service that blind faith is no faith at all." I stated clearly. "It is a false faith. The power of the words of Sikkar become a poison because you stopped doing that one thing that made you believe in the first place!"

I did not bother waiting for the crowd to quiet down as I bellowed over them.

"What is faith without questioning? What is faith if you do not reevaluate where you stand in it? What GOOD is faith if you feel that you where you need to be and do not strive to swim further into Sikkar's arms by asking yourselves 'Why am I only here?' Especially when you should be shouting aloud 'Why am I not closer!'"

The congregation fell silent as I shouted my sermon at the top of my lungs now.

"What happens to a pond without a fresh stream constantly flowing to and from it? It fails to grow and it becomes stagnant! So does faith! Faith without movement is no faith at all - it is a HABIT. A habit is not devotion and a habit shows nothing more than laziness before Sikkar's very eyes - and you can be assured that He knows the difference! Because you do not ask yourself "Why do I worship Sikkar?" you rob yourself of your ability to grow in His grace. You fail to see why you worship and only that you do worship. It is not 'right' to simply show up and listen. It is not right to go about and remind yourself not to sin. Not when you do not believe, do not question, WHY you are doing so!"

I fell into a hush myself and stared at the boards. These words were close to home. I had fallen into the trap of stagnation so many times I knew those waters well.

"I failed Sikkar many times during my tour of service to Him because I felt that because I did not question my faith, that I did not question Why I did what He wished me to do, I was fortified. Instead I found myself weak. Like a disease I never encountered, when questions of my faith came up I found myself defenseless because I Could NOT answer them! I fell, ladies and gentlemen. I fell hard and I found myself wanting so badly that I nearly became what I swore to fight."

I swallowed and blinked my eyes quickly.

"Probably all your lives, you've heard friends, family, the church, soldiers - basically anyone and everyone telling you that you should serve Sikkar. You came to this very church or another and heard from this good book all the good deeds and valor of Sikkar and His own. You've learned His wisdom and His strength but I can tell you now ladies and gentlemen, no one ever asked you Why you served Him. It would be a lie now to continue coming to these services if you cannot answer beyond the words 'Because it is the right thing to do'. That is no answer at all, even if it is true, there are reason far more underlying than that, or at least there should be."

Right then I tried to look everyone in the eye. I tried to look through those shining orbs into the very souls that rested behind them. I tried to convey my message in silence into those heads.

"When you leave here today, think about what I have said. Ask yourself Why you serve Sikkar. Why do you worship Him. And if your answer does not start with 'Because I', then its the wrong answer. Come right down to it, we mortal creatures are self centered and selfish things and we all must have a reason to do what we do. That is a sin we cannot avoid no matter how faithful we are. The only thing you can do is take that sin and turn it into a virtue."

"I pray you, no. I beg you - Question your faith. Only through the answers you receive will you discover who you are, what you are, and most importantly - Why you are. After you discover that, you are as holy as any Templar. Brother Tivol will now lead you through morning prayer and a hymn to end this service. Thank you."

I bowed my head briefly, grabbed my bardiche and left the pulpit behind. I left the building through the door to the well and came around the side. Scrambling footsteps preceded Aedrith's arrival at my side. We left the church behind as Brother Tivol spoke aloud answering questions my abrupt departure brought. I refused to listen and sought focus in the new day instead.

"You really believe all that." Aedrith stated as I eyed the purple blue sky.

"It took me years to understand what I said back there." I told her.

"And you really failed like you said? Almost became a cultist or something?" She asked. It was remarkable to hear the touch of curiosity in her tone.

"Yes. I came very close to becoming what we preach we hated the most." I said in a dull tone.

"Why?" She asked after a while. The last building was only a few feet behind us as I slowed to a halt and turned to her.

"Because I was arrogant. Because I thought I was above all that and could not become something I hated. Because of many reasons. Mostly because I forgot why I was in the service of Sikkar." I said slowly. Aedrith searched my face, her lips puckered up in thought. Whatever she found there remains her own counsel though for she turned and began walking on.

"Do you know now?" Aedrith asked as I joined her.

"Somewhat. I'm still searching. I do know that I need to ask myself why I still serve Him from time to time so I can get my bearings and hopefully move closer to Him instead of away."

"Do you feel closer to Him?"

"Only when I can actually make up a coherent sermon on the fly like I just did when my apprentice backs me into one without an escape."

"Yeah. You did all right. Not the best I've heard."

"And how many Have you heard?"

"A few."

"Be honest."

"A few."

"Seriously now."

"I mean it. A few."

"Whatever."

"I knew you'd see it my way."

"... Brat."