Comments- Temptations

[Starstorm]

I welcome any and all comments and critiques on "Temptations", if you have any.

I think the effect I wanted in the end was alternately sexy and terrifying.

I've been told that it seems that StarStorm is rather dry and hammy in the first half, and becoming rather passionate afterwards. While I don't really plan the effect of my writing, it seems like it's where I want it: In the first part, she's having to justify her choices in her new life, and she'd really rather be getting on with business, which she does in the second half. The effect then seems rather nice to me.

Anyways, enough about my thoughts, I'd like to hear yours.

[Urthdigger]

Well, I wouldn't really call the part towards the end "terrifying" if it's directed towards my character, though I suppose I'd find the pain aspects terrifying myself. As I said before, I enjoyed it, your writing style is good, and I look forward to seeing more stuff from you.

[Starstorm]

If anyone has any comments about "Further Temptations", they would be best here, I think.