Comments - Alise Valencia Farenheits

[Alise]

Rp topic Here: retromudrp.proboards59.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=retromudrpgeneral&thread=1177406305&page=1

Feel free to post any CONSTRUCTIVE criticism on the story, but try not to be too harsh, because I already know it's not top notch work.

[Urthdigger]

Well, only things I can see that are bad with it are a little problems with flow, and of course the cliched tragic past though that can always be remedied if you write it well. As far as actual writing goes, it seems pretty good.

[Ixtalis]

I believe the cliche goes:

1. Parents die tragically
2. Main bloke wants to avenge said deaths
3. Long arduous journey leads to....
4. Dramatic confrontation and conclusion

This story seems to add at least one twist, what with a conspiracy and all. It's not fair to judge the whole thing before it's all written, though.

[Eiryck]

I liked the imagery, even though the scene by the garbage got me a little queasy, but that's just my own problem...and the fact that I got queasy is a compliment because, your writing was good enough to make me feel as if the germs were here or near me (It felt that way).

I agree with Ixtalis, though. It does seem a bit like it's following the guide lines of a typical back story. But it does seem like good writing and it isn't fair to judge the whole thing before it is finished. So, I can't wait for more.

Good Imagery! ^_^

~ Eiryck.

[Kereth]

While I agree with Ixtalis that yes, this does seem to portray said cliche, I can't help but note that a story that starts near such a cliche needs not necessarily remain by it forever, and a number of good stories have begun with really poor premises. In this case, it should be noted that Luke Skywalker, Harry Potter and Pince Hamlet, to name only a few, do start with a similar theme, though each redeems itself with a number of interesting twists or additions to the archetype ("I am your father!" lots of character driven subplots, and dramatic introspection into the human condition and nature of sanity/self/purpose, respectively.)

It's something to watch out for, certainly, but the writing is good so far, and I'm not gonna' rule this out as a horribly forgone cliche just yet. Sometimes, even the cliches can be fun, if you tell them right.