Kereth
Storymaster
Because 'stabbity, stabbity, stabbity' is a punchline.
Posts: 222
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Post by Kereth on Aug 15, 2006 11:20:06 GMT -5
Feedback pleasepleasepleaseplease! It's kinda' the main reason I'm even trying these boards out <.< So let me know what you think? *has high hopes*
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Kereth
Storymaster
Because 'stabbity, stabbity, stabbity' is a punchline.
Posts: 222
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Post by Kereth on Aug 15, 2006 11:44:58 GMT -5
And that's all I can stick up for the moment. I need to decide whether or not to have the "END CHAPTER" sections placed in here or not before I can continue. I'm leaning toward no, mostly because if you all had a chance to go back and look a those, you'd probably notice how many glaring inconsistencies there are. Let me know what you guys think I should do with them, and drop any comments you have on the first chapter, or on recent retro posts that you feel are worth mentioning.
Oh, I guess everybody comments on their own stuff here too, so let's se... I was really nervous about that first scene. It's probably the worst in the entire story for that kind of thing. I didn't want to offend anyone, but I wanted that out of the way as soon as possible, so people knew what to expect, rather than have a G rated story for 6 chapters then suddenly drop a pg-13 scene on them. There's still plenty of graphic violence soon to come though, so I can't blame my rating entirely on that scene and those like it. I guess any story with Hands is likely to have its share of blood though.
<audio track abruptly dies on director's commentary>
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Urthdigger
Storymaster
Comments are appreciated
Posts: 214
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Post by Urthdigger on Aug 16, 2006 10:03:47 GMT -5
YAY! Kereth's here! Seriously, I really like your story, and seeing you get away with what you've put into the story has actually made me feel a bit more free to be less of a prude with my own story, so thanks.
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Kereth
Storymaster
Because 'stabbity, stabbity, stabbity' is a punchline.
Posts: 222
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Post by Kereth on Aug 16, 2006 12:39:10 GMT -5
So what you're saying is I'm a bad influence on you? >.< That makes me feel sooo much better XD
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Kereth
Storymaster
Because 'stabbity, stabbity, stabbity' is a punchline.
Posts: 222
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Post by Kereth on Aug 16, 2006 13:55:15 GMT -5
(Nobody said anything to the contrary, so I'm skipping the end of chapter sections. Chapters Two and Three are now on the board. I look forward to hearing from you!)
Okay... anything to say on that last bit? Firstly, all combat is based on a combination of midieval dagger fighting principles (some of that part might confuse you. I dont' intend to have a secion like that again) and on Hand light combat skills, such as maneuver, opportunity, stab, tumbling attack, and infighting. (yes, they're not all hand-only, but all those skills have been used thus far)
Nothing to say on the mage thing that doesn't explain itself. Feel free to make your own comments.
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Kereth
Storymaster
Because 'stabbity, stabbity, stabbity' is a punchline.
Posts: 222
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Post by Kereth on Aug 17, 2006 13:31:35 GMT -5
Chapter four and five up. Starting to put individual parts on separate posts so the thread doesn't get so unbelievably huge before it rolls over to the second page.
Chapter four was the introduction of the character of Sadam. As you all probably know by now, he becomes quite a major player as events unfold, hence the chapter is actually named for him. We also see the unusual interaction between himself and Khalid, where Khalid pushes his point just a little too far. Sadam is under a lot of stress and snaps quite easily at Khalid's taunting. I hope I got that concept across well. I don't dare read back over it now to see all the mistakes I made...
Chapter five was also interesting. I actually got contacted by people talking about how much they had come to respect Huja during the previous sections and sincerely hoping he would not do something to disappoint them there. I began to wonder if my characterization of him was incomplete enough for them to think he would actually yield to such a situation. . .
Anyway, enough of that. Somebody else comment! Hurry up too, before Sa- er... before someone di- disappears and the context of all commentary about them changes forever!
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Kereth
Storymaster
Because 'stabbity, stabbity, stabbity' is a punchline.
Posts: 222
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Post by Kereth on Aug 18, 2006 12:16:09 GMT -5
Ettin pirates. Need I say more?
Anyway, chapter six and seven are up. Let me know what you think. I'll have chapter 11 part 3 up on retro later today.
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Urthdigger
Storymaster
Comments are appreciated
Posts: 214
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Post by Urthdigger on Aug 18, 2006 13:29:51 GMT -5
Hmm, not much to say about the recent posts in any specifics. I really like all the scenes involving Nihan's training though.
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Kereth
Storymaster
Because 'stabbity, stabbity, stabbity' is a punchline.
Posts: 222
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Post by Kereth on Aug 21, 2006 12:00:35 GMT -5
Chapter eight and nine are up. Yes, the thing with the kanku IS somewhat relevant.
Feedback? Comments? Critique? General discussion, speculation, analysis of the text? At this point, do you expect Nihan to be successful? Would you consider it good or bad if she did? What was Khalid's vision about? Will I ever explain that Nebu character I mentioned in chapter one? How much wood WOULD a woodchuck chuck anyway?
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Kereth
Storymaster
Because 'stabbity, stabbity, stabbity' is a punchline.
Posts: 222
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Post by Kereth on Aug 22, 2006 14:04:41 GMT -5
All caught up. Since I have been getting some feedback like I hoped, I'll go ahead and post the next one on here later today (a whole day earlier than on retro!). Hope to hear from you on it!
Anyway, after I posted "Amatuer Diplomacy" Kumog contacted me and informed me that it was a "good post" but that it "needs more pie" in it. I apologized and included the pie in the next post ("Scotland's Finest") for that very reason. I think it fits in well, don't you?
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Kereth
Storymaster
Because 'stabbity, stabbity, stabbity' is a punchline.
Posts: 222
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Post by Kereth on Aug 22, 2006 17:10:42 GMT -5
Okay, the sneak peak at part five of "The Atomies" is up as promised. Those of you who actually read what I say here can see it now, and the rest can check on it when I send it in retro tomorrow. Ta-da! Let me know if you like it.
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Urthdigger
Storymaster
Comments are appreciated
Posts: 214
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Post by Urthdigger on Aug 22, 2006 21:31:23 GMT -5
I was wondering why I didn't recognize your latest post, then I looked up to the one above it. Wish I could do that kind of thing for Hand Puppet readers, but I have a hard enough time keeping 2 updates a week as it is. I'm glad to see all the posts are back up, I wanted to look for something in here for a later post, and this forum makes it so much easier to do so then heading off to Nimbus to read the volumes.
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Kereth
Storymaster
Because 'stabbity, stabbity, stabbity' is a punchline.
Posts: 222
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Post by Kereth on Aug 29, 2006 9:56:26 GMT -5
Someday, I'll have to try a story with normal length, irregularly timed posts. People seem to prefer those.
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Urthdigger
Storymaster
Comments are appreciated
Posts: 214
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Post by Urthdigger on Aug 30, 2006 13:43:30 GMT -5
Odd, I was under the impression people preferred schedules. Anyway, there's something I noticed about comparing Not only Raji to Something Shiny: It's odd that the will of Cyllyl and the Hands themselves seem so different in both RPs. In Not Only Raji, it seems the Hands are an accepted political group that openly cooperates with others towards a common goal. In Something Shiny (and in general present day in-game RP), the Hands seem to be far more secretive, and the eight degrees seem to give the idea that aknowledging the skills of others as being neccessary and cooperating with them is disallowed (although there was that scene with the paladin, not sure what to make of that). I may be misinterpreting this of course, and would appreciate any information concerning the matter.
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Kereth
Storymaster
Because 'stabbity, stabbity, stabbity' is a punchline.
Posts: 222
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Post by Kereth on Aug 30, 2006 15:52:38 GMT -5
Heh. There's a difference between recognizing another's ability and recognizing their authority. Part of the main differences between the two stories is time period. At the time of "Not Only Raji" the Hands were one of the dominant powers on Raji. Although they ask for the help and cooperation of other groups, you'll notice that such cooperation is not entirely optional (As in Shaikh Ali Bin Ishmael's case. He didn't cooperate, and you can see how he wound up.)
One of the main objectives of Cyllyl's subversion of the retroverse is to gain not only religious influence, but dominant political power. With that accomplished, Reason can govern the workings of men to a perfection of society. Service to others who do not recognize the power of Cyllyl as a central authority would cause a conflict of interest, hence Hands pursuing the path of enlightenment must abandon all loyalties to other deities.
This does not mean, however, that Cyllyl cannot take advantage of the abilities of others to accomplish her goals. You'll notice in the "help cyllyl" file it references alliances between Cyllyl and several other gods, stating how Fallen have sometimes been found in her service and how Sikkar will have nothing to do with her. If the unique talents of the alchemists or other groups will help Cyllyl to accomplish her goals, she is not above using them, so long as they recognize her authority in the operation. If they were important enough, she might even be willing to treat them as equals... temporarily...
The case of the paladin in "Something Shiny" was more for comedic effect than anything. Kereth allied with a paladin briefly to accomplish a common goal (Causing senseless pain and torment to an innocent bystander). You will notice that Kereth never accepted the paladin's teachings, nor accepted his authority, but he was willing to use him for his own amusement, even though he did end up killing him afterward.
As a contrast to "Not Only Raji" the modern Hand guild functions quite similarly to how it did, save that it does not have a cathedral intact anywhere for non-Hands to come pay their respects. The guild is still secret, and they still organize the same way and even use the same newbie daggers. Were there a situation in progress where the retroverse was about to come falling apart like Raji once did, you'd probably find the Hands right at the middle of things, trying to save the retroverse along with everyone else and trying to strengthen their control over how it was run at the same time.
For now, the Hands are to Perdow what they once were to Raji, perhaps even more so. Outside of that, however, they are nothing more than a secret society seeking political sway, not a powerful, respected group that already has it.
Also, there are nine degrees, and as I said, they only forbid worship of other gods and following paths at the lower levels, not associating with their followers. You'll find the higher levels take a more sophisticated route, strongly resembling buddhist teachings (Hand is as much a Buddhist/Islamic religion, with more emphasis on the Buddhist aspects, as Sikkaranism is Christian. Not actually the same things, but with obvious similarities.)
Anyway, I suspect I diverged a bit from the original question. Did I explain everything okay?
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