|
Post by Alise on Apr 24, 2007 4:24:51 GMT -5
|
|
Urthdigger
Storymaster
Comments are appreciated
Posts: 214
|
Post by Urthdigger on Apr 26, 2007 5:10:59 GMT -5
Well, only things I can see that are bad with it are a little problems with flow, and of course the cliched tragic past though that can always be remedied if you write it well. As far as actual writing goes, it seems pretty good.
|
|
|
Post by Ixtalis on Apr 27, 2007 19:18:36 GMT -5
I believe the cliche goes:
1. Parents die tragically 2. Main bloke wants to avenge said deaths 3. Long arduous journey leads to.... 4. Dramatic confrontation and conclusion
This story seems to add at least one twist, what with a conspiracy and all. It's not fair to judge the whole thing before it's all written, though.
|
|
|
Post by Eiryck on May 9, 2007 20:14:32 GMT -5
I liked the imagery, even though the scene by the garbage got me a little queasy, but that's just my own problem...and the fact that I got queasy is a compliment because, your writing was good enough to make me feel as if the germs were here or near me (It felt that way).
I agree with Ixtalis, though. It does seem a bit like it's following the guide lines of a typical back story. But it does seem like good writing and it isn't fair to judge the whole thing before it is finished. So, I can't wait for more.
Good Imagery! ^_^
~ Eiryck.
|
|
Kereth
Storymaster
Because 'stabbity, stabbity, stabbity' is a punchline.
Posts: 222
|
Post by Kereth on May 27, 2007 23:03:10 GMT -5
While I agree with Ixtalis that yes, this does seem to portray said cliche, I can't help but note that a story that starts near such a cliche needs not necessarily remain by it forever, and a number of good stories have begun with really poor premises. In this case, it should be noted that Luke Skywalker, Harry Potter and Pince Hamlet, to name only a few, do start with a similar theme, though each redeems itself with a number of interesting twists or additions to the archetype ("I am your father!" lots of character driven subplots, and dramatic introspection into the human condition and nature of sanity/self/purpose, respectively.)
It's something to watch out for, certainly, but the writing is good so far, and I'm not gonna' rule this out as a horribly forgone cliche just yet. Sometimes, even the cliches can be fun, if you tell them right.
|
|