Kereth
Storymaster
Because 'stabbity, stabbity, stabbity' is a punchline.
Posts: 222
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Post by Kereth on Aug 25, 2006 10:48:57 GMT -5
Boo! Fallen su- Er, I mean, yay for arakun femme fatales and death matches or something. . .
As an interesting note, my last story, "Something Shiny," actually started out the same way. When I wrote the first part, I intended it to go on indfinitely with no specific direction, but then I got around to the vision and things just kinda' worked out and suddenly I had a good end that even made sense with the title of the story! Besides, by that time, I had come up with the idea for "Not Only Raji" and I was anxious to get started on it at the first opportunity.
But anyway, side-stories are good. Keep on writing, do what you gotta' do, and only reinc fallen if absolutely necessary. <.<
-Kereth
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Urthdigger
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Posts: 214
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Post by Urthdigger on Aug 31, 2006 22:51:45 GMT -5
Ok, this new post is going to need to be edited slightly. The line with Turbo saying "Wanna share?" and Urth saying "You just don't quit do ya?" seem kinda cheesy, and could use some changes. Also, I'm feeling a bit hesitant about the content. I feel I did a good job in being as clean as possible with it while still trying to get the point across (actually, I still feel I didn't get the point across well enough. More fighting needed, maybe a girl or two (maybe even a guy) throwing themselves at him), but as always I don't feel quite satisfied with what I wrote. There's also a scene I cut out, not due to content, but simply because I couldn't find a place to put it. It's an encyclopedia entry about arakuns, I wanted to put it in because in doing research for this role I thought back on all my biology classes, did plenty of research into raccoons, and assembled a nice little bundle of information, only to use about 5% of it, and wanted to actually have something to show for all the stuff I wrote. I'd post it up right here, but I realized a few things that could be added to that. Might make a wiki for all sorts of things people have decided on for retro RPs, and add that stuff along with a whole bunch of other stuff I've 'decided' about arakuns (after talking with others to make sure it all fits with their stuff, which is another reason I didn't add it)
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Kereth
Storymaster
Because 'stabbity, stabbity, stabbity' is a punchline.
Posts: 222
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Post by Kereth on Sept 1, 2006 12:07:50 GMT -5
The post looks fine to me. It didn't come across as inappropriate anywhere (obviously even referencing such behaviors is considered uncouth by some standards, but you dealt with them very maturely). I think you got enough fighting and such and shouldn't have to worry about sticking more in. The post flows well enough and the dialogue is fine. I see no reason for a major edit (other than the fact that revision always yields improvements of some degree, but you have to stop revising at SOME point).
As for your entry on arakun, you could make it an introductory quote of some kind inserted by the narrator to help esplain the situation. I'd try to time it appropriately to act as foreshadowing, such as if it references the violent behaviors specifically and the story is leading into a mating-season induced brawl between Urth and 20 other arakun males, leave the violence section at the end, or if there's to be a part about Urth and some other arakun chick getting together, list some bit about uncontrolled mating habits at the end, etc, and place it before that scene. It should add an extra degree of suspense to the plot that follows.
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Urthdigger
Storymaster
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Posts: 214
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Post by Urthdigger on Sept 6, 2006 12:33:02 GMT -5
Well, here's the deleted scene. I was gonna put it right before the larger arakun picks a fight with him, but with the length of it I felt it didn't work well there. I suppose I could put it when he enters the village. I largely wrote this because when writing, I tend to want to cover all my bases so I try my best to write down all the information pertaining to how things work somewhere. The information is mostly from raccoons (promiscuous mating style, with mostly the males being polygynous and females not tolerating more than one male for the most part, but occasionally it's different (the numbers were adjusted however, raccoons seem to be 100% with the males and 40% with the female) and size of the male playing a factor and fights breaking out), with additional bits from humans (all changes that are due to society), as well as a bit of mercury dragons from D&D (the bit about them being responsible fathers, despite sleeping around. Can't have a flappy race not caring about their kids can we?). There's a number of information not put in there of course, mostly "well duh"s, but there's also a bit more information that while particular to the species, won't likely be used, and I get the feeling I'm jumping around a bit and it's not flowing right. Also, I haven't studied the effects of those two particular hormones to any great extent recently, so I hope I'm getting it across right. Testosterone is largely known to make men more aggressive, but I'm not too sure of the effects of estrogen. Oh well.
There are many books with in depth information on arakun mating habits, most of them in x-rated stores. In the interest of keeping this book in the libraries and out of those stores, an excerpt from the biomantic textbook "A Scientific View of the Races" will be used. "Arakuns, being an intelligent race, differ greatly in behaviour between individuals, most adopting more conventional mating rituals, especially in civilized societies, and mating occurs year round. There is a period of time stretching from Phoenix to Hound however, commonly referred to as their mating season, where levels of testosterone and estrogen are higher in males and females respectively. This leads to increased libido, aggression, and impulsive behaviour. The degree of change largely matters on the upbringing of the arakun, with arakuns in cities showing considerably less signs than those raised in native settlements in the forests of Sosel. Arakuns are generally avoided during this time due to an increase in crime, especially mugging and rape, even among more civilized members of the species. Mating habits are frequently irresponsible, particularly in 'wild' habitats, with around 90% of males and 50% of females having more than one mate. Size of the male plays a large role in obtaining a mate, and fights amongst them are not uncommon. Gestation typically takes 5 months, and single births are most common, but twins, triplets, and quadruplets are far more common than most humanoid races. Contrary to the raccoons they resemble, the males play an active role in raising children, being a father for the children they know are theirs, and doing whatever they can to help those who might be."
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Urthdigger
Storymaster
Comments are appreciated
Posts: 214
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Post by Urthdigger on Sept 12, 2006 11:13:43 GMT -5
You know.... I really don't know if I'll ever finish this. Problems in my life are distracting me constantly from doing any writing, and farming Elysium over and over and over and over and over and over and over again because I'll have no way to make any money once I pass level 25 is making think of just committing suicide on retro and never coming back. I dunno what I'm gonna do, I like the people here, and writing has been one of my few pleasures lately, but I just don't feel I'm doing anyone who reads this a favor by continuing, and I mostly find myself logging onto retro and doing nothing because I'm too annoyed of grinding the same places and too scared to advance.
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Kereth
Storymaster
Because 'stabbity, stabbity, stabbity' is a punchline.
Posts: 222
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Post by Kereth on Sept 12, 2006 12:01:21 GMT -5
1. There's always reincarnation, even if it's just to the same thing again. Yeah, you'll have to pay for all your training again, but earning that gold is easier as a newbie, and if I recall correctly, you have more training left to do than training actually done, so you might get yourself up to a satisfactory level faster that way. It could also help you to be able to go back and touch of some of the newbie area assassination ranks that you might have missed the first time through.
2. I understand your avoidance of the grind. It gets to me sometimes too, and I go through periods now and then where I don't even feel like unchesting. I try to keep my stories running though, even during those time periods. Which brings me to my most important point...
3.
Yes you are. Even ending it badl y is superior to no ending. People want to hear your story. Take examples like "The Mystery of Edwin Drood" and such. Charles Dickens never finished his novel, but it has since been turned into a play with a vast multitude of less interesting endings than the one he probably had in mind, but it sure beats reading the first half of the book and then just wondering where the rest of it went. Would you like to be thought of as the next RPGworld? Huh? Wouldja? Wouldja? WOULDJA? *gets up in your face ad intimidating and whatnot* Now get back in there and don't let me hear another peep out of you until we get a post, am I clear? *boots* *slams the door behind* And the same goes to the _rest_ of you slackers!
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Urthdigger
Storymaster
Comments are appreciated
Posts: 214
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Post by Urthdigger on Sept 15, 2006 11:16:20 GMT -5
Well, I just had a baaad day. I sulked here, yelled at the guys on Retro, yelled at my family, yelled at my coworkers, yelled at everyone that gave me stress. I'm feeling loads better after getting all that off my chest though, so it looks like I'm back to writing.
I made a few modifications to the previous post, as I had been unhappy in general with the description of the village. It looks much better now in my opinion. I also decided to put in that deleted section there. Made a few other minor changes, but I can't remember what. Oh well.
The next post... it's almost all dialouge. I've noticed I have a habit of doing this. I had a slight problem in writing this, because Max now fulfills a role similar to the one Powint has earlier in the RP. The idea is that people tend to look down on him wherever he goes, but there's a fine line between someone thinking he's an idiot and someone thinking he's useless, so I had to change a lot of things around before I finally got to the personality I wanted, a desperate, shrewd, scheming bastard who'll do whatever it takes to win. The character (and especially the 'recruitment') was inspired by Naja Salaheem from FFXI.
While the parts so far have been relatively tame, I'm going to try some more stuff with the next post, especially that now everyone has seen him go through the village.
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Urthdigger
Storymaster
Comments are appreciated
Posts: 214
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Post by Urthdigger on Sept 20, 2006 23:50:33 GMT -5
I posted up both of the latest posts right now on here, the first of which I just posted on Retro, the second will be posted tommorrow.
I posted this on retro then ran like hell. Seems a little corny at parts, but otherwise it seems ok. I can't shake the feeling that I shouldn't be posting this, but conciously I know it's not too bad. Ah well. Ayaname will become more important later on, and as always, any good thing I've done with Urth will be twisted into something horrible by the time I'm done with it.
This is part of a pair of sidestories I've created called Elsewhere and Meanwhile. I came up with them just a few days ago, and while they connect with each other, I don't think they'll connect with the main story. There is no reason for me to post them, but as I stated in the beginning, I'm feeling like doing something different for a change. Both stories will be continued alongside the main story, as all of the posts are happening at the same time as the other parts they are being posted with. As for the post itself, I recently watched V for Vendetta, and got the graphic novel as well (I am not dissapointed in the least), and that flavored the language I used to a certain extent, especially the narration near the beginning with it's more verbose style and references to theatre. There's also a few other slight references in there, with the girl's name, and saying that there will be no masked man to save her from being raped and killed.
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Urthdigger
Storymaster
Comments are appreciated
Posts: 214
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Post by Urthdigger on Sept 21, 2006 12:47:55 GMT -5
This is the Meanwhile... post. When I originally thought of this, it was because the arakuns in the village were rather tame. Nothing fitting a 'beware of arakun' sign. So I thought of maybe showing a few of the more irrational ones. This one was the first one I had come up with, but the original idea had 2 arakuns going on a more militant version of keeping the forest safe. I later wound up with this version that was inspired by "The Tell-Tale Heart". I enjoy writing Rick's story more than Vlad's, but that's probably just because Rick's a nice guy and thus I like him better.
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Kereth
Storymaster
Because 'stabbity, stabbity, stabbity' is a punchline.
Posts: 222
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Post by Kereth on Sept 21, 2006 13:04:25 GMT -5
...wow, dark.
I have nothing more to say about it than that.
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Urthdigger
Storymaster
Comments are appreciated
Posts: 214
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Post by Urthdigger on Sept 22, 2006 13:46:04 GMT -5
Wow, the leader of the shadowy guild of assassins is calling me dark. I don't know whether to be proud or scared.
Not much shown here, I might extend this post before putting it up on Retro. First off, Max has one of my biggest pet peeves: As someone who prides himself on knowing about animals, it's annoying how often people consider raccoons and tanukis as the same creature. Granted, they do both have the mask, which is the main thing people look at, but there's a large number of differences between the species. How this relates to this post is that raccoons are american (continental, this includes canada), and tanukis are japanese, so if anything the arakuns in that area should be slipping cherokee or other native american stuff into their speech, not japanese. I like anime and all, but it still irks me going into that area and hearing the arakuns say "Makoto-sama".
In addition to all the other stuff going on in the Arakun chapter, a bit is found out about Urth, or rather his form. This is the start of it, that it has some memories of it's own past life. After all, the body didn't just appear out of thin air when Urth needed it.
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Kereth
Storymaster
Because 'stabbity, stabbity, stabbity' is a punchline.
Posts: 222
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Post by Kereth on Sept 23, 2006 11:21:37 GMT -5
I always thought the japanese came from the fact that they're wandering around sosel and hanging out with too many monks and whatnot. Perhaps they're ninjas.
Anyway, in the defense of anyone who actually does use tanuki attributes, arakun really -aren't- raccoons. Yes, I know, their name is a pun (air-raccoon), but that no better defines their nature than the face that they have (or maybe don't have. It's not really specified either.) rings on their tails. If someone wants to use raccoon dogs (tanukis) as part of their basis for arakun physiology or culture, they're probably as justified as those of us who turn to monkeys or flying squirrels for parts of our basis.
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Urthdigger
Storymaster
Comments are appreciated
Posts: 214
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Post by Urthdigger on Sept 23, 2006 12:02:12 GMT -5
I suppose, but FYI, arakun is not a pun. The name raccoon is derived from the Algonquian Indian word arakun, meaning "he scratches with his hand.". In addition, all the racial titles are other names used by native americans for raccoons. The Abnaki called them asban, meaning "one who lifts up things", the Delaware called them wtakalinch, meaning "one very clever with its fingers", and the Ofo-Sioux called them at-cha, meaning "one who touches things". I know arakuns aren't raccoons, but they are modifications of them and in all references to their race it is the strongest indication of them. I'll keep the Sosel monk thing in mind though.
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Urthdigger
Storymaster
Comments are appreciated
Posts: 214
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Post by Urthdigger on Sept 25, 2006 9:52:17 GMT -5
It's Ranger Rick! Seriously, I got the feeling that I didn't use enough pronouns in this latest post, and just used Rick too much. I suppose that may be a good thing though, as He usually refers to Urthdigger in my posts. As far as the content goes, I tried to make the part towards the end a little sad, not too sure how well I got that across. Both stories aren't very long, and should be done soon (one in-story day). Actually, the entire Arakun chapter should be done in about 2 in-story days. I'm probably gonna wind up stretching the hell out of it though.
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Kereth
Storymaster
Because 'stabbity, stabbity, stabbity' is a punchline.
Posts: 222
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Post by Kereth on Sept 27, 2006 12:04:34 GMT -5
heh. "nobody said they weren't" nice touch.
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